“In the darkest hour, when I cannot breathe. Fear’s on my chest, the weight of the world on me…” –I Remember, Lauren Daigle
Today was hard. Not my darkest hour, but not an easy one either. And in the middle of hurt and heart-piercing words–forgiveness and redemption seem like flimsy wrapping paper.
Yet God was there. Assuring me both forgiveness and redemption are possible, but only one is in my hands. He stood with me as I felt the blow in my bones and retaliated with ugly words of my own.
“Whatever temptation you are going through, He went through for 40 days…whatever betrayal you’ve felt? He was betrayed by one of his closest confidants for a measly 30 pieces of silver. Whatever you’re going through, He went through and He is asking you to stay the course”
Hadn’t He prepared me just hours before while listening to Christine Caine speak about perseverance?
The darts started coming through while the lesson was still fresh and echoing wisdom. He prepares and guides us through the hard stuff, even though some of it is our own self-inflicted-mess
We are stubborn and fragile–God knows. He gives us everything we need to go through the circumstances; and asks us to trust Him.
He asks us to do the hard things. Trust Him with the details, lay down the grudge, forgive now instead of later, turn the other cheek while the first still stings, face the day even if it is uncertain. And about the time I begin to argue about the fairness… I remember He has walked pain and loss and heartache and betrayal. The real stuff.
“Not my will but thine” Jesus said in the garden of Gethsemane before they came to take Him to trial.
“He’s been wherever you are” Christine reminded me.
But we want justice for heartache, and relief for bruised hearts and worry lines. We want the human perspective of “everything’s alright” and we want it yesterday. Some things hurt too much.
My will is for all the hurt around me to dissolve. For no giants to torment or aches to linger.
But what is His will?
In the midst of the stuff we wish would stay in movies, the heart-wrenching moments we can’t believe are happening, the pain so deep we can’t breathe… in that place what is His will?
“Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. ”
The truth is found there. And comfort too.
He hurts when we hurt. Sometimes we cause the pain, sometimes others wound us. Sometimes sickness, disease or accidents cause deeper despair than we thought possible.
And yet He doesn’t judge unfairly for our aching cries nor does He stop loving us and calling us close.
He wants the best for us. Heaven is relief from all that sin inflicted. In this post-Eden world there is a lot we don’t understand. But He is good. Even if, even when and despite our lack of understanding.
And you aren’t alone. I’m praying for you, cheering you on and choosing to trust the Lord to bring the answers and healing.
One breath at a time friend, God’s holding us both.
