The cost of offense

“Triggers are robbing you of your life.”

The Lord whispered this to me right after I had said something like… “I just can’t stand it when that person does those things. Why can’t they just see it and stop?” 

I’m going to jump straight in today. 

When we feel triggered— we need to go to the Lord. 

Usually, despite telling ourselves we should— going to the Lord is the last thing we want to do. We know He has comfort and help for us, but sometimes we also know it is a heart issue, and we would rather find a friend to commiserate with.

Triggers or offense are invitations to be bothered. No one makes us do anything! Daily we walk through opportunities to be triggered. We live with, in, and around humans. We do life and we bump into each other— it can mean nothing or it can mean something. We choose. 

Triggers are a sign we have been too independent and need to go back to the Lord.

When I get offended, triggered, irritated, annoyed, angry, unreasonable…whatever you call offense; usually the feeling wants to be verified and wants to grow. All the sudden, I want to be offended, triggered, irritated, annoyed, angry, unreasonable… and— justified! My emotions demand to be heard. 

Triggers steal time, energy and space in our lives. They are static that fuzzies the picture and vision. They prevent us from showing up as our whole, true selves.

This my friends, is the struggle between flesh and spirit. We KNOW the things— but we don’t want to do them when we are feeling them. 

I want to love unconditionally and die to myself when I am having coffee with friends and I share the last bite. 

I do not want to love unconditionally and die to myself when I am offended and RIGHT. We are all right in our arguments, aren’t we? That’s why we fight so hard? 

You can’t trigger a mouse trap unless you first load the spring. Triggers aren’t the issue, they are the release of pent-up un-dealt-with emotions. The passions within us. When we are at war with ourselves we lose capacity to dwell in peace. Emotions aren’t the problem, not-processing the emotions is the problem. They have a right to speak, the thing we actually need to do is give them that space. Once they have been heard, we can decide how we want to show up and move on. We don’t have to do what emotions tell us to do, but we need to acknowledge them. Other people aren’t making you feel un-heard. You are!

This is your invitation to take everything driving you nuts right now— and feel it. Your emotions are valid. They are the messengers of the heart and human experience. They need to be heard. This doesn’t mean be reactionary— don’t kill the messenger, or shove him in a closet. Let him speak, then decide what will happen with that information!

Write it down— what is all that stuff in your head and heart? Get it out. Be kind to yourself. Throw away all the “shoulds” and just let yourself have emotions in peace. Seriously. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad human— it means you are a human. That is okay.

Okay now that you’ve given yourself space—pick a statement or trigger and test it. Is it really about the thing? Is it based in love or fear? 

Triggers are a sign that we have been too independent and need to go-back to the Lord. 

It might be fear… need to go to the Lord for protection. 

It might be overwhelm… we are carrying something that He hasn’t asked us to. 

It might be worry… we are trying to plan or control too much or too far ahead

When we get too busy to pause with the Lord and build up our confidence in Him, we drift. We feel the need to protect ourselves and fend off attackers, control to protect and so many other striving mechanisms. 

We were not created to do things alone (Romans 12:4-5), in our own strength (Spiritual gifts) (1 Corinthians 12), or without the Lord (Psalm 121:1-2). 

When we try it alone we quickly burnout and feel the stress of weight we aren’t able to carry. It is crushing to be responsible for things we have no ability to carry out.

Feel the things— then let them go. Get some space to empty your stress backpack (More on grace and emptying backpacks here). The other person needs grace just as much as you and I, and we need rest.

When we submit our hearts to the Lord and choose obedience despite emotions; God meets us there. Does He know our hearts? Yes. And He is asking us to give Him the throne instead. 

My Help Comes from the Lord