Wildfire leaves behind a charcoal trail. It burns hot and fast; a blaze that changes directions in a second and funnels flame dozens of feet in the air. It’s dangerous and brilliant and spectacular. It leaves in its wake a landscape devastatingly different from before. The consequence ash and thick smoke that envelopes.
The haze in the air today is thick. Smoke like fog hovers over our valley and turns the air a brown-dusk color.
And it’s easy to be oppressed by it. We stay inside to avoid the effect of the wildfires. Feeling trapped by the stagnant air.
I have said many prayers over these fires. Prayers for the families and the firefighters, prayers for the flames to roll back on themselves and prayers for rain to soak the earth and clear the air.
It’s different to see what the ground looks like without the character of brush or debris. Without grass to camouflage the scars of heavy rains show deep and flowing. Litter is no longer hidden; rusted cans stick out unaffected by fire. They hinder the eye.
In less than twenty-four hours this whole hillside was enveloped and changed. A wheat field adjacent also fell to the flame. So much change in so quick a time. So much damage. And emptiness smudged with black stares back.
These fires are hard. They take homes and buildings; sabotage land. I feel for these families who face more than smoke. More than a cough in bad air.
But every fire is not menacing. Using flame to control and prevent is a common practice around here. Farmers do this every year to prevent major damage. Controlled burns leave a black trail of protection; a wise turning of the soil to save the field and home.
How many times does the devastation in my own life look like the enemy clearing my hard work?
And how many times is it God doing a controlled burn?
When ash cools and the ground rests the burned remains of brush and wood become the nutrients for the next years’ green to flourish in.
The same is true for me.
When something that I’ve stood on is in the way of my growth, He knows it. The landscape of my heart is cluttered and overrun with debris that clouds my thinking and keeps me from seeing Him clearly.
…Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he’s there, in the place of honor, right alongside God… –Hebrews 12:1-3 MSG
And I want to see Him clearly. I want to grow deeper and lean harder. I want this growth! So I let Him give me a perimeter of safety; burn a line that protects the enemy from a full invasion. Stops the attack at a safe distance. After all… the victory is His! Why would I spend time engaging what was won already?
God knows that we will face battles. That the enemy wants to distract and reroute us so that we are not effective at spreading God’s glory. He trains us in our circumstances; prepares us so we are not caught unaware. He gave us tools to use. He has given us armor to shield us from attack and also a weapon to fight back with.
He also never leaves us alone. Not only are we trained and equipped when we take His word to heart and obey; but our Champion is always at hand. We don’t ever need to be 100% perfect at this battle because it will never be up to only us.
He gives us all we need to fight, but then gently reminds us that our job is to love Him not get caught up in the battle. He will go first He has fought for us and will shield us; but its about loving Him and walking in trust. Not just hunting the enemy.
Training is hard and it isn’t without pain. Burning a trail that protects still costs something. The price is surrender, and occasionally it hurts to surrender what He is asking for.
As a three year-old I told my mom I wanted to sing. That’s all I wanted to do. I meant it, and I stuck to it.
I took every opportunity I could to sing, learn instruments, play, perform and write. It didn’t go anywhere but I kept trying to use music in everything I did. I constantly held myself to a perfectionistic standard because this was important!
I was “Meant” to do this, so I had to do it right.
This need to make everything perfect was cluttering the whole thing.
Just to give you an idea of how invested I was…over half my high school credits were music related.
Twice a year I would spend several days up to 14 hours trying to record a perfect soundtrack on audio cassette. I did not know how to splice the mistakes together so it was a one-shot-at-once kind of thing. My poor family!
Looking back, I see several times that the Lord asked me to lay down music for Him. I pretended not to hear.
I contemplated trying out for talent shows or getting Myspace famous. I was going to find a music career.
(For those too young to remember…MySpace was kind of like a scrapbook and Facebook page together)
I wrote songs constantly and dreamed big dreams. I knew God would fulfill them because…He gave them to me didn’t He?
He asked again.
(I need you to lay music down so I can work in you)
“Like…submit it to you? Sure.”
So I would wait a few days without doing much, looking for signs that He had done something or would bring me the person to help me grow the music better. When that person didn’t come I would pick music back up keep pursuing it and assume He meant along the way.
My child, don’t reject the Lord’s discipline, and don’t be upset when he corrects you. For the Lord corrects those he loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights.–Proverbs 3:11-12 (NLT)
What I didn’t see was that every moment I spent with music was time I was not spending with God. In pursuing music I was becoming deaf to what He had for me.
Last year He asked again.
After I had promised to say only “Yes” to what He asked.
What do you do when you want to obey, but you don’t want to obey in THAT?
You struggle a bit.
Okay… a LOT.
“Okay Lord. I said I would say “yes” so I will. Fully.”
And then I got very depressed and angry.
“You took the purpose YOU gave me away! Why would you put that in a person and then take it? What kind of sense does that make God?”
I was hurt and bitter and I didn’t wait to hear His response. I struggled for months with this idea that a loving God took what was most precious to me.
And one day it hit me…
He took what was MOST PRECIOUS to me.
and it wasn’t Him.
I sat quietly with Him one day and then finally and tearfully asked… “Is that why?”
(Yes)
“Oh”
I worked on my attitude toward Him, healing my view of my loving Father. Who loved me enough to make me angry in order to draw me closer.
Those who worship false gods turn their backs on all God’s mercies.–Jonah 2:8
He is jealous. Jealous for me. So loving that He wants my priorities and heart in the right place.
Oh.
He knew that this area of my life was too cluttered; too distracting. He needed to burn a firewall before my preoccupation with my own goals caused a fire that burned everything. A safety line.
“Oh Lord how good you are to protect me from myself. You know me so well! Better than I know myself!”
I came to a place of peace with His request and I truly gave Him all that music was to me.
As I walked with Him in this new place of “un-named purpose” I learned His voice as His daughter.
When I began praying with people…I found something unexpected—a deeper joy than music had ever brought me. It was so profound that I was convinced it would replace eating.
I shared with several friends…
“If I had known that this feeling existed…I never would have pursued music so strongly”
A few months later, during prayer and worship, He whispered to me.
(Sing daughter with the voice that I gave you and a heart of love. breakthrough and burn through every opposition break down the walls sing through the lies. Stand firm.)
He gave me song as a defense against lies and the enemy; as a way to connect with Him, as a way to be free from the constraints of “Have-to,” and to spend joyful time with my Father.
As I continued to sing, with tears rolling down my cheeks, I realized that the physical “stop” in my voice was gone with this new freedom.
I am free from slavery to an unhealthy dream, from a physical block in my voice and free to worship without perfectionism.
When God asks for something in my life, will I trust Him with it? Doesn’t He want what is best for me? I wish I understood this a decade or more ago. I wasn’t ready to believe it.
Will I let Him do a “controlled-burn” of the things that are really just distracting me from Him?
I will remember that God is good and protects us from even ourselves. He is faithful and wants what is best, even if that path isn’t what I think is best. Sometimes what He has is far better than what we want.
As I notice the blackened hills in the distance and see the smoke in the air I will pray for those affected. Dear sisters and brothers who are in the middle of this trial…I am praying for you and with you. God is good even in this storm. Even when we don’t understand, and even when it is just the enemy trying to steal our joy.
When He asks…I will obey. Hasn’t He proven more times than I deserve that He is faithful?