Detoxing your mind. Practicing mindfulness in a new way. Identifying negative thought processes and then really looking at them and inviting Jesus in to examine them with you.
A concept based on the idea that we have full control of our thoughts. The idea that what we allow ourselves to think and run wild in our heads is important. It’s a deeper look at “Taking every thought captive.” And it’s powerful.
Hmm. I was sitting and staring at my notebook. I had started this process a week and a half ago, but was starting over because I missed a few days and I wanted to get full effect out of it. I’m going to keep doing it forever most likely.
Today, I realized that I struggle with denial…because my issues and struggles are ugly and I don’t want to look at them. I would rather be in denial about hard things because I can pretend they don’t exist. Put them in a closet and tie a pretty bow on the door.
Denial…Dishonesty? Yes.
Dishonesty especially with myself? I ignore what I feel and pretend the bad stuff doesn’t exist.
Step one of this detox is to identify something that causes anxiety.
Next you take that thought or speech pattern and you identify the root; the why. Then you pray about it and think it through and write down your findings.
The last step is to choose an action to address the thought. I am going to stop and think out the whole thing I am in denial with when it comes up. Instead of feeling something I don’t like, I will actually look at it and deal with it right away rather than ignoring it and letting it walk in freely.
I love this process. It’s painful, but I can see the need of it.
Especially because I just passed the one year anniversary of the day that God healed my anxiety/depression. And the enemy has been telling me all year that it wouldn’t stay gone. Let’s be honest though, I didn’t kick him out of my mind. I let this threat circle and intimidate me all year. The enemy may have suggested this but I was in agreement with the enemy about being afraid my healing was not complete.
For the new readers, here is the cliff-notes version of my testimony. (You can read the longer version here.)
One year ago today I was sitting on the couch and realized that my headspace was empty, my mind was clear and God had taken depression out of my life. I started crying the happiest tears I had cried in over 12 years. I am not going to throw that out because I am afraid.
February 11, 2018 I went in for prayer and walked out free, but I didn’t fully realize it until the next day. Because honestly? I wasn’t expecting it. I had doubts. I was willing to be surprised, and I did feel different that prayer ministry day, but I wasn’t walking out in full faith of God’s hand. Even when we doubt His goodness He blesses us.
Each day is of this past year has been a blessing. I can’t say I showed gratitude for every one of them, I am so very very human. But I don’t doubt for a second that my days belong to the Lord; I had nothing without Him. He restored function to my life.
It hasn’t been without its battles. Some have definitely been enemy-fire, but I am not going to give the enemy all the credit. Depression was sent packing but I had a lot of very human and very negative habits I had to start breaking. I had to learn to take my thoughts captive and start saying “No” to what I allowed to run free in my mind. I knew this, but I didn’t start this process soon enough. I am just going to be honest and say I was so excited to not have a thousand negative and heavy thoughts in my head that I got a little lazy. That account of the house that’s swept clean but left empty? It’s not a joke. There are a lot of words in the Bible, but there could have been more, God didn’t waste space with things that weren’t important.
My mind was clean and I threw myself into everything I could, every study, sermon, every book. I was hungry for more of God, more Holy Spirit, more everything. I longed to fill up but couldn’t be filled up. I kept working on my bad mental habits. I was relentless.
As soon as I started to get lost in my busy days instead of lean into the Lord, I found myself having more tough days. Here is where the enemy likes to jump in.
I gave him an opening when I stopped filling the house. I started to let little bits of my thought processes slide, a negative comment here and there, a judgement against God’s nature…just a bad day, no big deal?
Sunday afternoon (February 10th) I had one of the hardest days I’ve had in a while. I was surrounded with negative thoughts, some I had let in, some coming in through the door of ungratefulness and unforgiveness. I wasn’t using my armor, my shield, or good stewardship. I was not using any of the tools given to me. I started playing the victim.
By the end of the day, I was convinced that I wouldn’t make it to morning without fully succumbing to the heavy weight of depression that I had sloughed off.
It’s just a joke!
You weren’t really healed…
You’re not good enough to stay healed.
You haven’t really helped anyone!
God isn’t really calling you to anything.
You aren’t keeping up, You won’t keep up.
You think a year makes you successful?
You haven’t made it yet, tomorrow is still hours away…
I wasn’t keeping house and the enemy was going to take full advantage. The thoughts I allowed began to spiral and the enemy was happy to add more. I wasn’t rebuking, I was just letting things come. I am fairly certain at one point I opened the door to see if there were more negatives about myself that I was missing. There were.
I cried out to the Lord and felt empty. Worshipped for hours and felt like it was bouncing. I was feeling restless, awful and hopeless. What’s worse is I knew that I had started the process. Shame and guilt, blame and hopelessness. They all chimed in. I knew none of them was the Lord’s voice…He never condemns, but I couldn’t make sense of it with all the arguing.
I knew in my head and my heart that my cries were heard. My prayers heard. I was not alone; even in the middle of it I knew I wasn’t alone.
But I let myself stay down and then I really couldn’t see hope anymore. I had given control to my emotions and left negativity in my thoughts. I was overwhelmed. It happens fast. I knew it was just a storm; that God had me and this moment of panic was just me sinking in the water. But I panicked.
I reached out to a friend, requesting prayer and honestly sharing all the junk in my head. I couldn’t censor it to what I thought I “should be” saying. I just let it all out, all the ugly un-Christian thoughts and fears I was experiencing. Every ugly thing I was thinking that felt like truth, but sounded like lies came pouring out of my mouth.
I felt ashamed before the words left my lips but somehow I needed to get all the filth out. Just spill it and air all the ugliness. I was judging myself, ashamed and upset that I would let this many blatant lies fill my head.
She listened, so I shared more. Still she listened. Then she prayed. And the voices stopped; negative thoughts rendered completely useless by the power of prayer.
The fight to stay free was difficult. A Battle of the mind, not the flesh. Won not with physical weapons, but with prayer. And not alone.
My thoughts, and the enemy’s jeers threatened to overwhelm me because I let them get louder than His voice.
I will always need prayer, always need encouragement and truth. Help even. I am not going to let the threats of the enemy paralyze me, or teach me submission. I will stand and declare the truth for myself, take my thoughts captive, and call out the truth for others. I will pray for those who walk beside me. I am choosing to fight. One day at a time, one lie exposed at a time, one truth revealed.
I am deciding to follow this challenge through and get rid of these thoughts once and for all. One at a time I will take them out deliberately, expose them to light, and let them go. I will be diligent and sweep the house clean but fill it with the Lord’s company.
I highly encourage you to watch the video here.
What negative thoughts do you have to lose?
If you are feeling brave enough, join me on this detox challenge. You don’t even have to give up chocolate.