It’s day three of the New Year! I still have my Christmas decorations up and a few sugary treats have managed to survive the last few days. I’m not even apologetic. This year flew by and next year probably will too. I will spend the days trying to capture moments and write down memories before they slip away. I will purposefully avoid taking pictures of some of them too, so I can fully enjoy the smallest miracles.
New Year’s Eve came and went and I didn’t even contemplate a resolution. Usually I pick something that I do that bugs me and work to improve it over the year. This year? Nothing. Because I’m perfect and have nothing that bugs me anymore? Definitely not.
Maybe its because I started clocking my year from the time I chose Jesus as my depression medication. I have seen what God can do in just a year. It’s amazing and He is faithful. For me this started in August and was marked by miraculous milestones.
But I still like the idea of a fresh start, the opportunity for a “marked” new beginning, and New Year’s Eve makes sense.
I didn’t have a resolution in mind—or rather I was ignoring the one that came to mind first…no less than 7 hours of sleep a night…That would require a lot of dedication.
Maybe I’ll just choose a word for the year.
“Lord what word would you have…”
(Rest)
Hmm. That was quick. Maybe I interrupted myself? “What word would you have me choose for…”
(Rest)
“Strength, Growth, Confidence?”
(Rest)
“I had that one already”
(you didn’t learn it.)
I couldn’t argue there. I was dragging my feet but my soul lept at the thought of a year of rest. Just my stubborn mind holding out until the very end. My own will verses the truth of what is and what I need.
The struggle is that I don’t want to do what’s best for me because I don’t always value myself as deserving the time to rest. The truth is? I know that I’ve needed rest for a while. I’ve been pushing too hard, trying to fit into too many boxes, trying to push beyond my own limits. Although it was never my goal, I am constantly trying to be superhuman.
I know the truth is that God can do amazing things and enable us to accomplish super-human things…both when I am pushing too hard and when I am trusting Him. The difference is that God’s way…I don’t look exhausted and worn out. He can accomplish more when I am working with Him.
A few years ago, I decided to try my hand at painting a wall mural last year. I found an image I liked and used the closest straightedge at hand to draw a grid on the photo to make transferring easier. Then I used the straightedge to sort of do the same on the wall. The straightedge was much too small to use on the large wall, but I drew the lines the best I could by hand. Using the grid as reference I started sketching out the picture. It went really well… for a while.
After a couple rows I started having difficulty with perspective and things lining up correctly. I should let you know I’m not trained at all…I just kind of wing it and see what happens most of the time. So when things started going wrong I didn’t have much idea why or understanding of how to fix it.
I began retracing my steps…a line across the middle, a line going through one corner but not the next…and I realized that each box individually matched the grid. They still weren’t lining up.
Probably because I didn’t have perfectly straight lines. They were straight enough I thought, but I was wrong. One hill didn’t even connect with the next square. I went back over and started to look at three or four squares at once. Slowly I was able to make things look somewhat cohesive. It definitely didn’t match the picture but it was better.
When I decided to settle for less than an actual ruler…the finished product lost potential. It still is turning out pretty well, but not as well as it could have.
When I decide that my judgement of truth and even lines are good enough, the outcome becomes less perfect. God can redeem it, but why not start with the best possible foundation?
The Word of God is straight and true, no bowing to ideals or culture but steadfast. If I would have used a ruler for the paper and hand drawn the lines on the wall…it still would have been crooked. Anything less than perfect becomes apparent against the best.
If we use the Word to guide us then even if we can only see one box at a time we know it will line up with the bigger picture. If the Word is guiding, then all the lines are true.
If all these are true, then we can trust whatever it is He is asking of us and wherever He is taking us. The peace that surpasses all understanding comes when we accept His will for our lives.
So I will choose to rest in His promises, trust His hand to guide, and honestly just stop being so scared that I will lose ground if I obey. At least I’m going to try.
Not a resolution to change overnight, but a resolution to do two things: Learn to rest in Him, and seek the truth with the straightedge from heaven. However imperfectly, walking forward into a new year.
I will forget, fail, fall short…and that isn’t weakness it’s just life and our imperfect humanity. This year I invite you to make a new beginning. Whether you started yesterday, or haven’t started yet. Whether you started and already failed, or know you will fail at some point. As many times as it takes lets help each other get back up and start a new beginning as many times as we need to. We can help each other. Remind each other to keep eyes up and worries low.
It isn’t the failing that matters, its the rising.
And don’t forget your straightedge.
Happy New Year friend!